The hardest, best job: Kristina’s path to mental health recovery

When Kristina Zurich’s loved one took their own life during her teenage years, she was shocked and couldn't understand how it could happen.

But years later, Kristina gained a different perspective after her own suicide attempts, coming to see that there’s no single template for how a person experiencing suicidality will look or act.

"It sounds weird to say that I get why they took their life, but I can see now it's not about anything other than pain and wanting to be out of the pain,” she said.

“That struggle can be there, you know, at any time, no matter how good the exterior might look."

Kristina's personal journey with mental health began in her early years, although she didn't understand what she was facing at the time.

“My story is not atypical for someone who struggled from their teens without knowing what they were struggling with,” she said.

“It turns out that I have bipolar disorder and I take a mood stabiliser now. I work really hard doing different therapies that I've integrated into my life and my language. Receiving the proper diagnosis and treatment has been instrumental in my recovery.”

Kristina's lived experience with suicide is multilayered, and includes her own attempts ten years ago which left her hospitalised in critical condition.

"I attempted to take my life ten years ago, twice, and the second attempt was nearly fatal … it’s heartbreaking to think about," she said.

She is also a loss survivor, having lost not only a loved one to suicide but also the brother of one of her closest friends, who struggled with PTSD after he returned from military service in Iraq.

Kristina’s own journey and her experience supporting her friend through grief has illuminated how experiencing suicide loss can make dying by suicide seem more inevitable.

"When someone experiences suicide in their life, it can make something that seems, like not ever going to happen, maybe inevitable or more realistic,” Kristina said.

“That’s what happened with one of my best friends growing up – his dad took his life, his brother took his life.

“A big part of what I do now is trying to help people see past that.”

Now a decade into her recovery, Kristina emphasises that the path is not linear. Even ten years  later, she has to be mindful of her mental health, just like someone in remission from cancer or recovering from a stroke has to take extra care of their body.

She makes protecting her time and energy a priority, especially after speaking engagements as a lived experience advocate, which can be emotionally draining.

While being an advocate keeps her experience front and centre, Kristina has worked hard to ensure it doesn't become her identity.

“I am a daughter, a sister, a wife. I am passionate about palliative care, housing, and food security,” she said.

“I am proud of how hard I have worked in recovery and what that has helped me achieve.

“Although arduous, recovery is the greatest gift. While it is literally the hardest job I've ever had, it's the best job I've ever had … it's a gift we give ourselves.”

To others sharing their lived experience, Kristina stresses the importance of creating and protecting boundaries.

“When you go and tell your story, you offer yourself, your most vulnerable self. It takes a lot out of you,” she said.

“So don't underestimate how powerful it is to tell your story and then give yourself the gift of the space you need to replenish yourself."

Kristina Zurich has been involved with SafeSide Prevention since it was first founded seven years ago. She is currently SafeSide’s Lived Experience Faculty and Instructor.