Father-daughter duo shares insights from journey through addiction to recovery

Rural Ohio residents Jack Stem and his daughter Kimberly Hribar have both walked a long, challenging road with substance use and suicide concerns. 

Jack, now 29 years into recovery, spent years battling addiction as an anesthesiologist. His journey from active addiction to long-term recovery gives him a unique perspective on both sides of the struggle.

“Nobody seemed to know what to do as my addiction progressed. I'm surrounded by health care professionals, surgeons, anesthesiologists, nursing assistants, pre and post-nurses,” he said. 

 “I think the bottom line was that they had a sense of what might be going on, but they didn't know what to say. So they didn't say anything."

Jack said when the way a brain functions is altered, so is the way the person functions.

“When they're under the influence of those drugs, that's not them,” he said. 

Kim, having grown up with a father in addiction and facing her own substance use challenges, found that learning about the biology of addiction was transformative. It helped her reframe her experiences and approach her own mental health with more compassion.

"I totally relate to feeling like I was broken...I've learned that my brain is just different than other people’s,” she said.  

Both stress the importance of open, honest communication, even when it's uncomfortable. 

 "I'm not going to tiptoe around their feelings because you can't when they're not rational,” Kim said. 

For those supporting loved ones with addiction or suicidal thoughts, Jack and Kim emphasized the importance of self-care and setting boundaries for their own mental health and personal safety. 

“I think another important thing is to also set boundaries for yourself [as a caregiver or concerned person],” Kim said. 

“Because when you have no boundaries, that's codependence and that can only make things worse.” 

They encourage concerned friends or family members to also seek help for themselves through support groups, therapy, or crisis lines.

Jack and Kim's experiences also underscored the need for patience and compassion - both for the person struggling and for oneself as a supporter as they try to help someone grappling with suicidality and substance use. 

“I think we have to be patient,” Jack shared. 

“I think we have to have boundaries. I think we have to let them know we love them [and] we will do whatever we can to help them not do this, but realize that in the end, regardless of the outcome, it's not our fault.”

Jack and Kim shared their story to mark the launch of a new no-cost eLearning course to support friends and family of individuals struggling with substance use and suicidality.

SafeSide Prevention developed the course with collaboration and input from the UR Medicine Recovery Center of Excellence on SUD Prevention and funding from the Health Resources & Services Administration (HRSA).