Why sitting in “the discomfort” with someone can help

When someone is in a dark place battling with severe mental health issues, a well-meaning support person’s attempts to be positive can sometimes worsen their situation. 

When someone reveals that they feel worthless or trapped, it is tempting to immediately jump in and say something to try to encourage them to feel better. 

You may want to express how amazing they are or what a wonderful person they are to have around. But when someone is struggling, this can have the opposite effect. It may worsen how they feel about themselves or leave them feeling like they have not been heard or validated.

Instead of trying to “positive it away,” stay centred on the ultimate goal of understanding the person’s experience and what they are going through. Suffering and pain can often be relieved more effectively by listening and validation than by fixing.  

 You could try saying: 

“I heard you say that you are feeling like a burden to your loved ones. That must be really difficult. Could you tell me more about what has you feeling this way?”

As hard as it can be to sit with the discomfort, it may allow the person to open up more and have a meaningful conversation about how they are feeling. 

Once they feel like they have been heard, it may then be easier for the individual to hear any positive thoughts you may have about who they are as a person.