Addressing all needs of someone who is struggling

As humans, we are wired with a “flight or fight response,” an instinct that evolved thousands of years ago to help keep us safe when faced with the dangers of the natural world. These instincts are still triggered by situations we face in the modern world.  

The feelings associated with these responses can be particularly frequent or intense for people who have experienced adverse events in life - such as food insecurity, unstable housing, or other unsafe or abusive situations. In some cases, people may normalise feeling this way, even accepting it as the way their life will always be, or thinking they deserve it.  

When we are talking with someone to assess and understand their stressors and how they relate to suicidality or others' risk, asking about these concerns can be a delicate matter. But to really see and understand people means to understand their daily experience. 

Here are some ways you could try to ask directly about the experience of adverse events and life circumstances:  

“We know that when people are trying to feel better, a supportive living environment can be very helpful. I have heard you say you are concerned about being home because of how Joe acts when he is upset, and you feel like you want to escape. Can you tell me more about that?

“What other things are going on in your life that don’t support your efforts to feel better?”

Or perhaps …

“You’ve told me that when you are struggling your first instinct is to drink alcohol to try to forget your problems. I’d like to understand more about that.”

Taking the time to ask directly about the chronic adversities a person struggling with suicidal thoughts may be experiencing is an important step in truly understanding their experience, and is an important foundation toward developing a response together.